the black hole.

I am taking time out of this stressful week to address a few things that have been weighing heavily on my mind. I haven't been able to write in awhile because I have been consumed by my life. Literally breaking that phrase apart is embarrassing and a disservice to myself. I find my world comparable to outerspace. I imagine myself as an astronaut floating through the darkness, taking the next giant leap as it comes. When things in my life begin to pile up, it is like I feel a black hole approaching that I cannot avoid. Instead of star-gazing, I let myself get sucked into this black hole. My black hole represents a whirlwind of stress. Even small, everyday tasks become part of this black hole because even these feel like overwhelming boxes that need to be checked off. The black hole is homework, tests, working a crazy schedule, cooking dinner, going out when I should be staying in, making phone calls to family members, remembering to feed the dog.

I really needed a reality check. (If you aren't a frequent reader of my blog, I need a lot of reality checks). I have needed a few days to stew on this and bring myself up for air, or pull myself out of my hole. I know who I am. I tend to lose myself in these black holes, and it is important that I am aware of this. I work hard at school and do well at work, but I don't try to be perfect. At my attempts of perfection, I tend to become someone I'm not, and someone I don't like. That side of me is a negative know-it-all, one-upping, more-stubborn-than-I-already-am version of Danielle. Readers, meet Ugly Danielle. This is just a peek of who I have been the past few weeks. Being a miserable person working a horrible work schedule that does not sync well with my school schedule, therefore missing classes to catch up on sleep or assignments, and sucking me deeper into my black hole. Ew. I even look in the mirror and see this person and pity her.

This reality check I have mentioned is due to my latest blog post, which was not written by me. Please take a look and shine light on that awesome situation I was in. My "stranger" felt inspired by me in a way that I never thought I could inspire anyone. The inspiration I received from him was more personal and reflected to me a simple reminder that I am not the only person in this world. There are so many things that are bigger than me and out of my control. So why am I letting everyone see Ugly Danielle and letting her and her black hole take over my life?

I approach today with a new sense of self.
Though I am but one of seven billion people on this Earth, I am strong but not almighty.
I see today as time that needs to be used wisely.
Does life go on? Yes. Do I still have a checklist of things to do? Yes.
The new answer to my question is:
Will I let it get me down? No. Will I look in the mirror and feel sorry for myself? No.

I am making five promises to myself to be held accountable so that Ugly Danielle stays away and for my own life improvements. (I fully intend on making myself a motivational poster - a trademark of mine):

1. Make detailed to-do lists - plan out day-by-day tasks and stick to it. There is always enough time if you delegate it appropriately. This will ease your mind.
2. Try not to skip anymore classes. This makes you feel guilty and pitiful, and Ugly Danielle loves to do this.
3. Stop snoozing. You regret it every time. Whatever time you set the night before was set for a reason.
4. Ask for help. You are amazing, but not that amazing. It's okay to lean on others for support, especially your husband.
5. Work out. No matter how busy you are. It makes you feel good. You like to be sore and feel healthy. Plus, it fills up a block of time that you would otherwise use for something useless, like watching your DVR shows.
I challenge all of you to make a list, something short and attainable, to help you conquer each day, week, month. You know what helps you, so take charge and do it. Maybe your list is five things you need to do to chill out, work harder, challenge yourself. I believe that we are all great people, but we all need improvements. Work on being a better you in order to love yourself more.