new promises.

I don't like the term 'resolution'. Instead I am making myself promises. To keep it short, here are the changes I'm making for 2013:

1. Quit gambling. Not even $20 in the video poker machine.

2. Make a budget & STICK TO IT.

3. Church every Sunday. No exceptions.

4. Work out at least three times a week.

5. In every action I take, let it be those that would make my loved ones proud.

deepest desires.

I can't wait to be pregnant.

There. I've said it. I see people all around me getting pregnant and having babies, and I am so jealous, I won't even try to deny it. I know that you can never properly plan for a baby, but now is definitely not an ideal time for us to get pregnant. Within my heart of hearts, God knows that I find my life's purpose in being a mom, I am just so anxious for that time to come. And no, I will not be one of those wives that "accidentally" gets pregnant. Just in case any of you had any doubts.

What is your deepest desire? Don't be afraid. Accept your life's happiness!

(PS - can you believe I actually blogged two days in a row?!)

second chances.

Back to Facebook and back to blogging? Eh, we'll see. I'm notorious for leaving projects unfinished. Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, I like knowing that I'll always have something to do.

Lately, I've been putting my life into perspective. I'm a busy little bee that doesn't make time for friends, or even make new friends at this point. I'm what people call a homebody or an old married lady. For awhile I struggled with the idea that I wasn't acting my age, and that somehow my life was passing me by. I have come to the realization that my life isn't passing by as I idly watch; rather, I am HAPPY in where I am in my life. I go out often enough to see the people I love, who have become mostly family and maybe one or two friends, and I am perfectly happy sitting at home with my husband watching TV.

This realization has given me perspective on many other things, but the one in particular that I have been focusing on is the falling outs. I'm still at a young enough age where the friends that I might have broken ties with on bad terms are still a bit sensitive to the touch. It wasn't until I read a blog post from my best friend Tiffany that it became apparent what I had to do. No. What I WANTED to do.

Some people don't believe in second chances. I am a rare breed that believes in sixth and seventh chances. If you hurt me or things end badly, I'll most likely be the one to break the barrier and attempt to clear the air. With that said, there are a couple of people on my mind that I am going to clear the air with. Thanks to Tiffany's advice, the goal is not to worry about their reception of my reaching out. It is simply to reach out and know that I am doing so with pure intentions.

At one point, I couldn't combine my groups of friends because too many people didn't get along. (A light bulb is going off in my head as to why I keep so few friends these days.) I am fortunate to have already cleared the air with one friend and am excited to take this loving Christian person I claim to be and actually BE it.

What are you afraid to be? What is holding you back from the person you know you are deep inside? Shed the fears that you won't be accepted or that your current clique will reject you. In the big scheme of things, what really matters is fulfilling YOUR happiness and not the happiness others expect of you.

dare to dream.

I am so exhausted from school, but I am in the home stretch. I can feel it getting closer, I can feel my college life coming to a close and my career racing up to meet me. I am overwhelmed by how much I have left to accomplish but I am soothed by thoughts of what is yet to come.

This reflection time has made me realize some of the things I want to do in life and I have started to construct a bucket list, I'll probably come back and add more as I go along.

1. Spend an entire summer in South America. Learn fluent Spanish, and learn to love bugs.
2. Skydive. & scream.
3. Cruise to the Bahamas.
4. Go wine tasting in Tuscany.
5. Snowboard.
6. Surf.
7. Go to Spain. Use my fluent Spanish (even with a different dialect).
8. Drink Butterbeer at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.
9. See a broadway show in NYC.
10. Own a summer beach house.

What's on your bucket list?

marriage is...

I know there are a lot of "Love is..." things out there on the Internet, but I have been thinking about these "Marriage is..." things that are completely true and a lot different from the cliches. These are from both perspectives.

Marriage is...

Eating leftovers you know the other won't eat. (For the same meal every day)
Waiting for the other to take a second helping before you do. (It's ok, there's more food in the pantry)
Letting them indulge in their hobbies whether you like them or not. (Sure, buy those tix to that awful concert)
Not noticing that they've left and you're still watching their TV shows you hate. (News, Glee)
Trying to understand their taste in music. (This isn't music...)
Letting the other pick the restaurant. (Just ate here with my friends yesterday, but oh well)
Jolting awake when the other slides into bed with freezing feet. (The joys of working opposite shifts)
Taking on the others roles from time to time. (Cooking dinner, fixing things, etc.)
Debating which DVR'ed show to watch next. (Celebrity Apprentice. NO! South Park!)
Forcing the other out of bed to brush their teeth. (Sorry, it's kickin')
Choosing your battles. (Just let them buy it if it makes them happy)
Always complimenting the other. (You're always know just what to say. Pffffftttt)

and my personal favorite:

Understanding you without judgement (Oh you didn't do this thing that I've asked you to do for two weeks? That's okay honey... >:/ )

Hahaha I love being married.

the black hole.

I am taking time out of this stressful week to address a few things that have been weighing heavily on my mind. I haven't been able to write in awhile because I have been consumed by my life. Literally breaking that phrase apart is embarrassing and a disservice to myself. I find my world comparable to outerspace. I imagine myself as an astronaut floating through the darkness, taking the next giant leap as it comes. When things in my life begin to pile up, it is like I feel a black hole approaching that I cannot avoid. Instead of star-gazing, I let myself get sucked into this black hole. My black hole represents a whirlwind of stress. Even small, everyday tasks become part of this black hole because even these feel like overwhelming boxes that need to be checked off. The black hole is homework, tests, working a crazy schedule, cooking dinner, going out when I should be staying in, making phone calls to family members, remembering to feed the dog.

I really needed a reality check. (If you aren't a frequent reader of my blog, I need a lot of reality checks). I have needed a few days to stew on this and bring myself up for air, or pull myself out of my hole. I know who I am. I tend to lose myself in these black holes, and it is important that I am aware of this. I work hard at school and do well at work, but I don't try to be perfect. At my attempts of perfection, I tend to become someone I'm not, and someone I don't like. That side of me is a negative know-it-all, one-upping, more-stubborn-than-I-already-am version of Danielle. Readers, meet Ugly Danielle. This is just a peek of who I have been the past few weeks. Being a miserable person working a horrible work schedule that does not sync well with my school schedule, therefore missing classes to catch up on sleep or assignments, and sucking me deeper into my black hole. Ew. I even look in the mirror and see this person and pity her.

This reality check I have mentioned is due to my latest blog post, which was not written by me. Please take a look and shine light on that awesome situation I was in. My "stranger" felt inspired by me in a way that I never thought I could inspire anyone. The inspiration I received from him was more personal and reflected to me a simple reminder that I am not the only person in this world. There are so many things that are bigger than me and out of my control. So why am I letting everyone see Ugly Danielle and letting her and her black hole take over my life?

I approach today with a new sense of self.
Though I am but one of seven billion people on this Earth, I am strong but not almighty.
I see today as time that needs to be used wisely.
Does life go on? Yes. Do I still have a checklist of things to do? Yes.
The new answer to my question is:
Will I let it get me down? No. Will I look in the mirror and feel sorry for myself? No.

I am making five promises to myself to be held accountable so that Ugly Danielle stays away and for my own life improvements. (I fully intend on making myself a motivational poster - a trademark of mine):

1. Make detailed to-do lists - plan out day-by-day tasks and stick to it. There is always enough time if you delegate it appropriately. This will ease your mind.
2. Try not to skip anymore classes. This makes you feel guilty and pitiful, and Ugly Danielle loves to do this.
3. Stop snoozing. You regret it every time. Whatever time you set the night before was set for a reason.
4. Ask for help. You are amazing, but not that amazing. It's okay to lean on others for support, especially your husband.
5. Work out. No matter how busy you are. It makes you feel good. You like to be sore and feel healthy. Plus, it fills up a block of time that you would otherwise use for something useless, like watching your DVR shows.
I challenge all of you to make a list, something short and attainable, to help you conquer each day, week, month. You know what helps you, so take charge and do it. Maybe your list is five things you need to do to chill out, work harder, challenge yourself. I believe that we are all great people, but we all need improvements. Work on being a better you in order to love yourself more.

Stranger

At first glance you may notice you did not title this post or even write it. Well I ask that you, (Danielle) keep reading this post because it might brighten your day or even week.
I am the son of the woman who is giving you your phone back. She found it in The Orleans bathroom and took it because she knew she would return it safely to its proper owner, unlike most people in Vegas. As a current senior in high school, I was slightly curious to find out who's phone this was so I started to look at what apps you had. I noticed you had a blog app so I went through it and read all your blog posts. Before you freak out and think I'm some immature boy who wants to stalk you, I would like to inform you that I too write in my own personal journal. It's similar to a blog just only for my eyes. After reading all your blog posts I felt compelled to write in your blog and share my thoughts on everything you said. I apologize in advance if you find it kind of creepy me reading your blog and posting in it, but I let my curiosity get the best of me.

First of all I noticed that you are a Christian. I believe that this was the major factor that made me continue to read your posts. The reason I say this is because I too am a Christian and I was wildly inspired by all the things you posted. I was born here in Vegas and have attended Central Christian Church my entire life. I am currently a student intern for my youth pastor and I focus on getting our youth ministry into high schools near our church. This past year I have been living in a vibrant relationship with Christ. He has shown me the very many different ways that he works this past year. I believe that you losing your phone and my mom randomly picking it up and me reading your blog is a new way he has shown me how he works. I can't even start to think about the probability of something like this happening again. That's when you know it's a God thing.
I am strongly inspired by all the things you wrote because it gives me hope that there are other Christ followers in Vegas besides just the people at my church. Also through all the wisdom you possess in the way God teaches. I also noticed that your new husband Jordan has cancer and I will make sure to keep him and all of his and your family in my prayers. I hope God can heal all the wounds and struggles cancer has put in your lives over time.

I really hope you end up reading this post because you have inspired me through your relationship with God. I hope this post can also inspire you and give you the same hope you gave me. I also apologize again for sort of going through your phone but I believe through that, Gods purpose of you losing your phone was fulfilled. God bless and I will be praying for you.
Connor Vincent